I’m freaking out

You readers know us as students covering the Winter Olympics. But do you really hear what we’re saying?

We are STUDENTS. Yes, covering the Olympics. But we are STUDENTS. And that fact is making me cry myself to sleep every night.

I’ve talked a little about this before. But two weeks until departure is making me realize that I literally am not going to have time to eat, sleep, shower or be nice to people. I just don’t think I have the latter in me anymore.

Contrary to popular belief, some professors aren’t OK with us taking 10 days away from school to go on this adventure of a lifetime. So, to make sure we remember we’re still students, they’re giving us a load and a half of work do complete before we go.

It’s getting to me. Not to get your sympathy, but here is what I’m working on right now:

 

  • Weekly reports for a religious reporting class
  • Weekly “charticle” for BSU at the Games
  • Weekly blog for BSU at the Games
  • 3-hours of German script recitation
  • 1,000 word article for religious reporting class
  • 2,000 word article for religious reporting class (due on the same day as the one above)
  • 10-minute report for religious reporting class
  • Weekly German quizzes
  • Get an entire issue of Ball Bearings, the student magazine at Ball State, out successfully, as the editor-in-chief of the publication.
  • Write an article for Ball Bearings

I’m going to be honest. I didn’t get through writing that list without crying.

Now, I will admit I have been a friend to anxiety for a long time now. In fact, our relationship has blossomed into a daily encounter that I’ve learned to handle with smiles, people, Refinery29 and deep breaths. But this amount of work is starting to impact the weight of my shoulders.

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I have woken up at 4:30a.m. for two weeks now, not because of an alarm, just because that’s what my body does. I’m 20-years-old for heaven’s sake.

And if school isn’t enough, there are daily reports of terrorists vowing to attack the Olympics.

I’m trying not to worry, and I’m trying not to think about it; but this is a real risk, and it is a real threat. The dramatic news reports, of course, aren’t helping. Not to mention, my parents are even more nervous.

I’m freaking out. I’m trying to be strong, but I’m. Freaking. Out.

In a nutshell, this entire process is stressful in every sense of the word. But I have learned more about my limits and myself in 6 months than probably my whole college-career.

I’ve learned to say no to things because I don’t have the time. I’ve learned I can’t do everything try as I might. I’ve learned I can’t write a profile on someone simply because I met them. And I learned I truly want to be a journalist.

This has been the most exciting/frustrating/hard/angering/fun/trying time of my life, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

 

BSU at the Games is a freelance news agency operated by 22 student journalists reporting from the Sochi 2014 Winter Olympic Games through an immersive-learning program at Ball State University.

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